My Insulin Pump Gives Me Comfort

Diabetes technology helps to save our lives and improves our quality of life. 
But diabetes technology also gives us comfort. And I swear to God, sometimes I reach for my insulin pump like a child reaches for their favorite blanket or stuffed animal and I'm not even aware I'm doing it... And that's cool because it is comforting. 
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My insulin pump has become a part of me - an extension of myself - so much so, that when I'm not wearing it for an extended period of time, either by choice or by force - I'll still reach for it out of both comfort and security.

Since I wear my insulin pump almost 24X7, I find myself myself reaching for my insulin pump automatically, without thinking, and for no reason at all except... well, it’s comforting - and subconsciously, reaching out for my insulin pump comforts me.

I sometimes place my hand on my pump while watching television and I’m not even aware that I’m doing it. Other times I purposely check to see if my pump is clipped to my hip while walking from the start of my driveway to the car... just in case. 

There are moments when I’ll hold a small piece of insulin pump tubing between my thumb and pointer finger while chatting on the phone and twirl it gently and mindlessly, like some people twirl their hair.  And there are times when I unintentionally feel for the infusion site lump under my shirt and feel for a bit of the tubing with a slight quick of hand - and no one at the dinner table is the wiser. 

On occasion I find my pump tubing still connected, but I find my actual insulin pump in places I don’t even remember putting it, because dealing with diabetes and my pump has become part of my cadence. 

There have been instances when I’m down right surprised to find my electronic pancreas bungee pumping from my lap to the floor when I get up from the couch/desk, because I’d checked my IOB (insulin on board,) and didn’t re-clip i because l was lost in a really good movie, book, or DSMA chat.  

It’s funny the how we have diabetes idiosyncrasies that give us comfort, even when we aren’t aware that we need it.